This is certainly a regularly asked question from people across the age range and of both sexes. God calls us to only marry someone who is likeminded in our faith in Him. The challenge this gives is that there is therefore before we even start looking a restricted number of people who are available for us to marry. God knows you, He knows your needs and has a plan laid down for your life if you choose to follow it. God can supply us with a marriage partner who is specifically appropriate for our personality and needs. The biggest challenge for us is to be willing to trust God that He knows best and that His timing is perfect.
Some Christian singles devote their time searching for someone. Others become blinkered in what they are doing so much so that even if the right person appeared they would not notice them. We need to walk in obedience to God and as we walk pray that God will make the right person apparent to us.
Pray that as you walk with God that He prepares you to be ready for marriage if that is what He wants for you. Pray that God deals with anything in your life that might adversely affect your future relationship. Pray too that God prepares the right person for you so that when you meet it may not just be the right time but that you are both ready and prepared for each other.
What about Christian Dating Agencies?
There is a mixture of feelings concerning Dating Agencies. Certainly for Christians who are in small Churches and are isolated from other singles of a similar age friendship groups and events can be a very useful chance for social contact.
However, dating agencies have to be considered very carefully. What are your expectations? Are you looking for a long term partner? Or just a date?
People do meet through dating agencies or adverts and become very happy. Others have had very different experiences. Pray before you start. Check out with God if this is right for you at this time. Be realistic by going through a Dating Agency you will immediately become paired up with someone albeit for a single date. You bypass meeting someone in a group and being able to check them out first. If you go ahead, think carefully what details you give, where you meet, and how vulnerable you allow yourself to be. Even in a Christian Dating Agency list there may be members of the opposite sex who are not as committed or well intentioned as they seem. People have been known to use Christian Dating Agencies because of the nice type of person they have on their books. Not because they were Christians. Often non-Christians can be attracted to the character of a Christian, the love of God has its attraction to the non-Christian but this does not take away the fact that a non-Christian is still a non-Christian. Beware, just because a person is a Christian it does not mean that their moral stance will be the same as yours. Be certain to know where your boundaries are and do not be afraid to hold to them.
Why does it seem that everyone who is married wishes at times they were not and those that are not wishes they were?
To say that everyone feels this way is an exaggeration, however, it is a regularly made comment. What it does is to highlight that there are benefits from being single and there are benefits from being married. The important thing is that they are very different. If you are single you can concern yourself with your own interests and desires. Your time is your own. You can also devote yourself more fully to any calling that God has for your life. When you are married you are called by God to devote yourselves to each other and your children and therefore you are in no way as free to do, what you want, when you want. This restriction on freedom brings with it the positive that there is always someone there for you as a companion and helpmeet. However, it does bring with it responsibilities and limitations. See 1 Corinthians 7v. 32-34
How long should I know a person before we marry?
This is a difficult question. There is no definitive length of time. Make sure you get to know each other as much as possible either before engagement or during it (except of course, in a physical intimate way).
Where are you both spiritually? You need to be able to share this part of your life together.
What are your aims in life? Do you both have agreement on your attitude to your future.
What are you immediate plans? Education, work, calling to Africa, etc.
What is your opinion concerning money? Shared finances or individual accounts.
How do you get on with each other's families? If there are problems, how are you going to cope?
What are your hopes for children? How many, when, their upbringing, education.
Do either of you have strong opinions on any subject? Do you agree? Can you live with the differences?
There could be many further questions but after all of the above the most important questions are:
Lord, is this the right person for me? Lord, is this the right time for us to marry?
You need both answers to be yes before you go ahead.
Is Adultery always the end?
Adultery is always a blow to a marital relationship. Marriage is based on mutual commitment and trust. A central aspect of this is that you commit yourselves to be faithful to each other and that there will be fidelity in the marriage. Unfaithfulness represents a breach of this trust.
Many spouses will describe their hearts being broken by the infidelity of their husband or wife. They have devoted themselves to their husband or wife, committed themselves to be faithful to that one individual and yet they have been let down. Their trust has been breached. They will feel rejected by their spouse, possibly worthless, wondering what this other person can offer that they can not.
Adultery is a justification for divorce, but is it necessarily the end? Praise God that it is not. God is our example of not giving up. He did not give up on us when we went away from Him into our own way of living. Mankind was unfaithful to God by rejecting the closeness of the relationship with Him and choosing to follow Satan. God did not give up. He showed us by example the way of forgiveness, restoration and renewal. It cost God severely.
Forgiveness costs. Choosing to forgive and work at restoring your marriage after unfaithfulness will involve hard work. It requires the adulterer to confess their sin, repent of it and completely cut ties with their lover. It requires a commitment to work together to bring about the careful rebuilding of trust. This will take total honesty between husband and wife. It will also require both people to be willing to change any wrong behaviour or attitudes. It is certainly possible to start again. This most importantly require God's help with His love as the cement to hold the relationship together.