The lingerie and adult toy retailer, whose version features chocolate in body part shapes, scooped more than 50 percent of the online vote carried out by Christian satire website shipoffools.com.
The poll featured a range of themed products including whisky, heavy metal rock music, Star Wars, dogs and elephants.
"Starting out with 30 calendars with minimal or no connection to the original Bethlehem narrative, we chose eight finalists,' said Ship of Fools' editor Simon Jenkins
"Our readers then voted for the one most likely to make the Baby Jesus cry."
The top three Badvent Calendars 2014, as voted and described by Ship of Fools' readers, in reverse order:
3rd - Barbie: dependably vacuous with a new fashion accessory for every day of Advent
2nd - Ciate: 24 different nail varnishes, including one that glows in the dark
1st - Ann Summers: helpfully re-defining the Christmas box
Advent calendars have been around for 100 years at least, and have traditionally been a mixture of sweets, surprises and stories about the first Christmas.
The former Archbishop of Canterbury Lord Carey said: "The commercialisation of these calendars does sadden me because they miss something deeply important about Advent and the Christmas story."
Francis Goodwin of Christmas Starts with Christ, a church campaign that aims to tackle the disappearance of Jesus from Christmas, said about the winning Badvent Calendar: "This is a perfect example of the famous HL Mencken quote: 'No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public'. We wish Ms Summers and her followers a fun-filled Christmas, but hope they might spare a moment to remember whose coming we really await."
Ship of Fools' readers discovered just one calendar which tells the Christmas story, it's filled with Fairtrade chocolate, and through which money is donated from every sale to charity.
The Meaningful Chocolate Company's Real Advent Calendar faces tough competition in a crowded UK market, though, in which 10 million calendars are sold each year, according to the website.
Steve Goddard, co-editor Ship of Fools: